Monday, May 3, 2010

We're Different- We're The Same

As you may have noticed- from my previous post..while I may not have been "born with the Mommy Gene"  I am comfortable in my role as a parent and the decisions I make for my family.   Just like most of you, I am doing my best to raise healthy, well-rounded, well-adjusted, well-mannered children who will go into adulthood well equipped and prepared for a life of their choosing. 

I have strong preferences and solid reasons why I make the choices I make as a parent.  That being said, it is important to me, that people know, my confidence in the choices I make as a parent are not in anyway passing judgment on or a criticism to other parents who may choose differently for their family.  I receive- at times, judgemental comments (see my post from yesterday on French Fries ) and defensive statements from people I know and barely know regarding the decisions they make and why they made them.   Don't get me wrong, I'm interested to know what brought you to your decision (most of the time...sometimes ...I don't really care why you chose differently than i did) .  What I'm not interested you presenting a dissertation on your choice and why it's better than mine or why your way is right and mine is wrong.

I'm of the opinion, that Parenting choices and decisions are many times...preference...NOT right and wrong.   The Dynamics in each family are so very different.  From how much Dad works, to whether Mom stays home, works part time, full time, works from home ....

All these choices...are preferences...some Mom's like to work outside the home  which makes them a more effective Mom and wife ...I applaud's not easy to juggle.

Some Mom's heart desire is to Stay Home...and are very fulfilled in that role.   One choice isn't BETTER or RIGHT...they are Just ...say it with me....


Practice this thinking the next time you are speaking with a Mom...and she's made a choice that you instantly think or feel..."Oh, that's not right!"  or "Why would she do'd be so much better to...."
Retrain your thinking...(don't say it out loud)

"Well, that's DIFFERENT than what I have done."  


"It's interesting that they decided to handle that situation in that way."

Our kids aren't the only ones who need attitude adjustments sometimes.  Attitudes start with the thoughts we own.  Try not to own those judgmental thoughts but replace them with more positive and useful thoughts.  

As Mom's, we need to be supportive of the many choices we have today. It's amazing that we are able, today, to choose what Motherhood looks like for us and that Mommy's come in all shapes and sizes.  This is empowering, amazing and we should embrace our differences, not use them to shame or embarrass or judge each other.

You see..we all need to realize, we don't have "THE ANSWER" to parenting decisions for everyone else.  Do what's best for your family...I'll do what's best for mine and someone else will do something entirely different for their family..  As a general rule that won't equal good, better , best... It will equal ....come on can say it ....


Are their ever right or wrong choices in parenting?  Of course...but generally speaking, I'd say more often than not...our disdain or disapproval of someones parenting is unwarranted, inappropriate and usually unwelcome.

  That being said...if I ask you, or you ask me what I Honest.  If we are not asked our opinion on parenting situations, it's probably going to come across as judgmental or condescending to share unsolicited advice or opinions.

Mom, Mommy, Mother whatever that looks like in your house or home, life...embrace with confidence what is best for your family. You see, that's where we're the same...we want what's best for our family.  We want our children to be better equipped than we were heading into adulthood.    What works for you may not work for your friends...and that's okay.  No need to apologize, or feel bad.  Don't try to be someone else.....your kids need the best're teaching them each day...that it's okay to be who they are by being okay with who you are....

Have a great week!